


Dirk Strider and the Noble Tradition of Yiffing

by inkpink



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, Furries, Furry Bashing, Gay Chicken But Like With Furries, Gen, No One Is Actually a Furry, Pesterlog, or are they
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 15:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10165877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkpink/pseuds/inkpink
Summary: Does Dirk Strider is a furry? The truth come out.(Dirk explains an ancient art form.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was born of an actual real live documentary on furries that my friend and I watched. Life is magical

CURRENT tipsyGnostalgic [CTG]  RIGHT NOW opened memo on board IBS THE FRUKCIN. 

CTG: dirk r u a furry  
CURRENT timaeusTestified [CTT]  RIGHT NOW responded to memo.   
CTT: Why do you ask?  
CTG: doesnt matter what matters is the goddamn question @ hand  
CTG: r  
CTG: u  
CTG: a  
CTG: furry  
CURRENT gutsyGumshoe [CGG]  RIGHT NOW responded to memo.   
CGG: Pardon me for interrupting, but what is the title of this memo actually supposed to say?  
CGG: I’m afraid it seems to have gone through the word-search factory known as three martinis.  
CTG: W  
CTG: O  
CTG: W  
CTG: tough crowd tonite  
CTG: its supposed to be “its the fuckin best”  
CTG: damn janey i thought @ least u wud take it easy on me  
CTG: sm fuckin h  
CTT: To answer your question:  
CTT: No, I am not a furry.  
CTT: But that’s not to say that I am not intrigued by and may have dabbled experimentally in the subculture.  
CTG: I GODDAMN KNEW IT  
CTG: dirks a fuckin furry everyone  
CTG: jane u owe me 5 dollas hon  
CGG: Oh, alright!  
CGG: It’s not like the money means much anymore anyways.  
CURRENT gutsyGumbshoe [CGG]  RIGHT NOW wired five (5) boondollars into tipsyGnostalgic’s account!  
CTG: love u janey  
CURRENT golgothasTerror [CGT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGT: whats a furry?  
CGG: Oh good lord.  
CTT: I’m glad you asked.  
CTT: You see Jake, there comes a time in every young human’s life when they ask themselves.  
CTT: “Am I really meant to be a twelve year old girl?”  
CTT: “Or am I a gentle woodland creature trapped in this hairy monkey body?”  
CTG: well put  
CTT: Often, the adolescent in question goes through an introspective stage the intelligentsia at large has dubbed “The Wolf Phase.”  
CTT: They may indulge in roleplay on forums such as warriorcatsrpg, delight in anthropomorphic literature, and insist to their parents that in every way but physical, they are a wolf.  
CGT: gadzooks!  
CTT: Gadzooks indeed.  
CTT: Most youth grow out of this, but with every batch, there is a lingering few who never abandon their whiskers-first approach to the world.  
CTT: These wayward souls, swaddled in suits of faux-fur and wasted potential, become our furries.  
CGT: that sounds downright bogue!  
CGT: what do these costume-clad hooligans do then?  
CTT: Have you ever heard of yiffing, Jake?  
CGG: I JUST SUDDENLY REMEMBERED THAT I HAVE TO GO SEE A MAN ABOUT A DOG!  
CGG: IT SEEMS I WILL UNFORTUNATELY HAVE TO MISS OUT ON THIS ENLIGHTENING DISCUSSION!!  
CGT: oh horsefeathers!  
CGT: and to think it sounded as if we were just getting to the good stuff too  
CTG: yeah jane stick it out pls  
CTG: 4 me  
CTG: u kno this shit is comedy gold + theres nothin better to do rn  
CGG: Fine.  
CGG: But one overly graphic description and I am out of here like butter on hotcakes!  
CTG: yeet  
CTT: So back to yiffing.  
CTT: I have provided a diagram of the customary courtship ritual to better illustrate my point.  
CTT:   
CTG: damn i am rockin thos kitty cat ears  
CTT: Yes you are.  
CTT: However, let’s return to the matter at hand.  
CTT: A poetic thing, yiffing.  
CTT: It is the meeting of two like-minded furries, body, mind, and soul.  
CTT: When they decide to slide down that slinky little metal zipper.  
CTT: And let things get downright carnal.  
CGT: im not quite following you man  
CGT: do you mean they bark at each other and such?  
CGT: hoo boy now thats a riot  
CTT: Go on Jane, you tell him.  
CGG: Me?  
CTT: Is there another Jane in this memo?  
CGG: Very funny, Mister Smartypants.  
CGG: I hardly even know what yiffing means myself!  
CGT: oh but surely you must jane!  
CGT: ill be damned if i dont say you know just about everything!  
CTG: i second that  
CGG: Well.  
CGG: Okay.  
CGG: When a mommy and daddy furry love each other very much…  
CGT: gack!  
CGT: dirk!  
CGT: bro!  
CGT: do you mean to bloody tell me that yiffing is just furries getting a wiggle on?  
CTG: le duh jakester  
CTT: I would say that is an accurate approximation of what I was attempting to communicate, yes.  
CTT: But again, I believe what’s being discussed here is much better demonstrated through a helpfully-designed diagram.  
CTT:   
CGT: sweet jehoshaphat  
CGT: i mean *what* in tarnation!  
CGT: im positively looped  
CTG: tbh im surprised that ur so surprised  
CTG: have u been livin under a rock jakeroo  
CGT: no but i have been living on a damn blasted island!  
CGT: there were no furries where i came from!  
CTG: didnt ur grandma rlly like dogs  
CGT: YOU LEAVE MY GRAN OUT OF THIS ROXY  
CTG: whatever u say  
CGG: Roxy, I highly doubt that Jake’s grandmother was a furry.  
CGT: SHE *WASN’T* A FURRY  
CGT: Heavens to betsy am i all befuddled  
CTG: would u describe the feeling as  
CTG: “shook”?  
CGT: that sounds fitting yes  
CGT: dirk for crumbs sake why on earth do you know about a thing like that?  
CTT: If I recall correctly, it was Jane who truly outlined the extent of furry sexual potential.  
CGG: OH NO WAY BUSTER.  
CGG: THERE IS NO WAY THIS DADGUM BLAME CAN BE PINNED ON ME.  
CGG: I quit.  
CGG  ceased responding to memo.  
CTG: noooooooooooo  
CTG: janey :(  
CTG: dirk ur addiction is tearing this family apart  
CTT: Ny’all need to calm down.  
CGT: nyall?  
CTT: Jake, what the fuck?  
CTG: yeah y would u say that  
CTT: Fucking furry.  
CTG: Ibs a gotdamn epidemic among todays youth  
CGT: gah!  
CGT: that is it!  
CGT: I am sorry to say it but I have had enough of you two!  
CGT:  ceased responding to memo.  
CTG: r u actually a furry  
CTT: Not at all.  
CTT: Just a cool dude into Rainbow Dash.  
CTG: thank gob  
CTG: not that i dont love fefeta but one furry onboard is enuf 4 me thx  
CTT: Ny’all’d’ve had a heart attack if I’d been serious.  
CTG: :3c  
CTT: :3C  
CTG: okay so not like were furries r anythin  
CTG: but do u want to maybe  
CTG: come out to lopan  
CTG: and sketch some designs  
CTG: those drawings were p fire  
CTT: I’d be honored.  
CTT: If you’ll excuse my French, yiff yiff hooray.  
CTT:   
CURRENT tipsyGnostalgic [CTG]  closed memo.  


**Author's Note:**

> All edits of Dirk’s iconic drawings made by yours truly


End file.
